| Hey I've got another secret
maybe you'll stick around
to hear it this time
Maybe you could even
try to understand
that I don't want to let go
but I've already risked the loss.
Maybe today
we'll be friends
and let the night
take us
no where. |
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| Lets not be afraid tonight
there's nothing in the dark
if everything you can see
is left in the light.
on another note.
I'm ready to run into darkness,
to stretch my arms forth and embrace,
what I can not see but can sense,
what I can not understand, but can contemplate.
=\ thinking about building up both |
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| I'm really pissed off about everything right now. Once again, nothing feels like it's going the way it should and the world's a little hourglass that was never meant to be turned over. I'm not ready for the other side. I don't think I will be for a while. Idk. Some things are getting a little out of control. I don't know what to do anymore and I wish I knew how to feel. Well, I probably do but, then I wish I felt the way I knew how to.
idk I was supposed to get over this relatively quickly and it's becoming increasingly difficult to stay friends with him. And I want to stop thinking about him that way but if it means not being his close friend anymore, I don't think I want to.
I guess it's better he held her hand, rather then mine. Atleast one of us is moving on.
I hate him so much right now. |
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| So. Life has been a fucking ride. ksdlad no fun. I haven't seen Joel in 3 weeks. Stuff with amir happened, had to explain it to Joel. Still no fun. I've spent like every day at home and I really think I've lost muscle mass. lol it's kinda wierd. I barely eat but I barely move so it's all good. o.O Not really but you know. my hair's fallin out and whatnot and I got bags under my eyes for the first time but I think I'm alright. Headaches too but I'll get over it I guess. I don't know if I want school to start of if I don't. On one hand, I get to see Joel a lot more, but on the other, it's school. It's also junior year so I have to work supremo hard and that just sucks. Promised my mom I'll work harder, sleep right, eat right. Dunno why she still beleives in me. Foool!!! This school year is gunna be shit. i supremo wanna dress like a bum everyday lolololo! we'll see how that goes. I realize how stupid my language is. and I've decided to keep it that way. There's no reason in spicing up the style of my speech if I'm not even fun. idk if that made sense. YEAH. so.
how I'm feeling right now is the wierdest thing. you know? no you don't but it's nice to pretend that you understand me so that I feel like I'm not alone. even though I know i am. I'm prety much. EXTREMELY angry but I'm too angered out to be angry. So it's like. I've run out of energy to hold up my anger lifestyle. And, well I'm also pretty much depressed. So it's like. I'm tired and down there with depression but then somethings also fuming deep. this pretty much sucks.
i dont wanna see anyone anymore this summer. idk I've pretty much given up on human contact. none of it has been good anyways.
and that dick x of mine still has my scrubs dvds. i want that shit back too. |
| |
| I don't know how things are. It's like I'm less aware of what's going on around me becuase I don't understand it at all. Or that I've stopped caring but I doubt that's it. It's just super annoying how I feel like there's something wrong but I don't know what it is. The more obvious reason would be because I don't get to see Joel but there's got to be something else. It feels much more complicated then it seems. I don't know anymore. I just want Joel and I to work out and it's really taking a toll on us when we can't see each other. Well it's taking a toll on me. I don't think it bothers him much. That's a bad thing too I guess. I don't know. Fuck |
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